Breakfast at McDonald's
by Aine
Summary: Uh, more rabid insanity?


  
Ehehe. This is rabid insanity, with yaoi, bad jokes, and well, even more insanity. So, uh, read it. ^_^ And don't forget to tell us what you think!  
  
Breakfast at McDonald's  
  
By Aine and Meia  
  
It was covered in a fine sheen of oil,glistening in the electric light. Golden, crisp, and fried just right. It looked delectable. It was the epitome of calorie-loaded fatteningness. It was breakfast. But he didn't deserve it.  
  
Kamui sighed and put the pristine, untouched hashbrown back on his tray. He gazed at it balefully. "I don't deserve to eat this," he muttered, just loud enough for Sorata to hear.  
  
"Aw, Kamui, if you don't eat, you'll never grow. And then you'll never be able to make a good wife, ne, Fuuma-er, that is to say, Kamui?" The Kansai monk glanced nervously at the tall boy who sat only a seat away.  
  
Fuuma only smiled. "Aa. A wife." Casually, he leaned over and decapicitated the hashbrown with one smooth stroke of the knife that he was using to cut up his hotcakes. Kamui could only stare at the remains of the headless hashbrown, which lay, golden and still glistening, on the tray. "Kotori.."  
  
Beside him, another person was also staring at his food. Large emerald eyes stared, transfixed at another (roughly) edible product of globalism, possible slave labor, and 100% vegetable oil.  
  
"Seishirou-san used to take me to McDonald's... of course, that was before he killed my sister." He stared at the unfortunate hashbrown, turning it around in his fingers. The oil covering it had soaked through the paper wrapping, but somehow his fingers didn't get greasy.   
  
"Subaru-san, why aren't you eating? Are you worried about gaining weight?" A voice shook him out of his thoughts, and he turned to see Yuzuriha staring anxiously at him.  
  
"Seishirou-san used to tease me about gaining weight.." Smiling vaguely, he returned to his thoughts. "That was also before he..he.."  
  
"Look, Subaru-san!" Yuzu's voice returned, again, to drag him out of his thoughts. "You don't have to worry about gaining weight! I'm having ice-cream with my breakfast!"  
  
The thought of ice-cream on hashbrowns was enough to make Subaru turn around in his chair to stare at whatever was on Yuzu's chair. Sure enough, on the hashbrown was a huge dollop of ice-cream. Yuzu smiled happily, seeing him finally take an interest in something besides gazing mournfully at the hashbrown.  
  
"It's Haagen Daz! Want some?"  
  
Subaru shook his head, wondering about the wisdom of ice-cream and hashbrowns.  
  
"Don't worry about gaining weight! After all, we're all CLAMP characters, so we'll stay slim and slender for the rest of our short and tragic lives!"  
  
Chocolate-chip cookie dough and mango ice cream with peanut oil, chemicals, and roots. Subaru wondered briefly what that would taste like. Food! He had actually thought about food? He had betrayed the memory of..  
  
A sharp, high pitched scream cut off his line of thought, and he turned back to see what had distressed Kamui.  
  
A man, using a plastic knife to cut his burger into quarters. Perfectly innocent. But Kamui hunkered down in his seat, leaning towards the older onmyouji. "Kotori.."  
  
At that point, Fuuma leaned over and said, "How do you think we got rid of the body?"  
  
Kamui whimpered. Subaru patted him on the head.  
  
Behind, a sad voice said, "A plant died to provide us with this sustenance. I feel the pain of the plant that died."  
  
"Kusa-san! It's just potato and vegetable oil."  
  
"100% vegetable oil. And a plant died.."  
  
Subaru pondered, again, the wisdom of actually getting involved in any of that. Then he patted Kamui on the head, and returned to his thoughts.  
  
Yuuto, who was sitting quietly beside Karen, Kanoe and Satsuki, leaned over to talk to Kamui at that point. He looked a little tired. "Kamui-san, please don't believe what Fuuma-er, Kamui, said. We gave the ojousan a nice burial.."  
  
Satsuki pinched his cheek and grabbed at his ear. "What do you mean, we?" She said. "As if you or any of the other men would know how to go about a proper funeral! Why, if it weren't for any of us.."  
  
Kamui smiled at Yuuto and turned away. Although he was the current suicidal angst poster boy (tm), he wasn't quite suicidal enough to get into that. He gazed at the remains of his hashbrown. "Koto-" He frowned. A sakura petal had floated down on his tray, interrupting his thoughts. More followed, showering the entire room. Suddenly, the entire fast food restaurant was plunged into darkness. A spotlight appeared at the main entrance.  
  
All eyes turned to the spotlighted part as the theme music to the really old version of Batman started playing. Then he appeared. He was dressed in a dark trench coat, which flapped and billowed about him, even though there was no wind. He folded his arms and smirked at his audience. Then, with no warning, the Batman theme stopped, only to be replaced by some love song from way back. He took out a microphone.  
  
"Only you.. can make the stars so bright..."  
  
Eyes were bulging and ears were popping by the time the trenchcoat clad man made his way, slowly and surely, sensually, towards the group of people seated in the corner. He was sensual. He was sexy. He rubbed against anyone who got too close, like a cat. But he was relentless, stalking his prey, concentrating only on that one person.  
  
Finally, he reached his target. Sweeping his trenchcoat dramatically behind him, he knelt on one knee. From somewhere in the same aforementioned trenchcoat, he whipped out a box. A small black jewelry box. "Subaru-kun," He said. "Will you marry me?"  
  
Subaru fainted.  
  
Moments later, he woke up. And, as most people would on waking up do, he tried to stretch himself. Which wasn't very practical, at that moment of time, because as it turned out, he was lying on something. Or in something, but that expression was rejected, because in the S&S pairing, what kind of person would write Subaru seme? In any case, he since he couldn't stretch up, he stretched his arms down. And landed his hands on a very interesting part of someone's anatomy.  
  
"Why Subaru-kun," said the Sakurazukamori. "You do care!"  
  
Subaru blushed. "Seishirou-san! You-" And then he found it very impractical to speak, as the older man kissed him.  
  
The rest of the Dragons cheered.  
  
"Seishirou-san!"  
  
"Hush, Subaru-kun." The older man's face was suddenly serious. He pointed at the hashbrown on the tray. "You have got to eat! Do you have any idea how much trouble that crazy sister of yours has been giving me in the Sakura?"  
  
"Seishirou-san.."  
  
The older man kissed him again, silencing whatever objections he might have had. Then he stood up and carried Subaru through the door to the conviniently placed manager's office, where he chucked the manager out, locked the door, and..   
  
LATER  
  
Fuuma turned to Yuuto. He smiled. "Yuuto-san.."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
He held out a vanilla chocolate chip ice-cream cone to the water master. "Kotori." 


End file.
